“She is, from what I understand, in a wellness, healing type of environment.” If I heard his lungs rattling when we snuggled, I would throw his cigarettes out the window. If he got into a fight with someone, I would give them dirty looks out of solidarity. Nine-year-old me would give my infant brother baths while my dad was asleep in the middle of the day.

The future becomes a haze of what-ifs and maybes, as trust becomes a fragile thread that you desperately cling to. Their emotional volatility becomes a constant source of unpredictability. One moment, they shower you with affection and love, and the next, they withdraw and become distant.

Loving an Addict: Educate Yourself

Many people find themselves in a codependent relationship. Yet, to an outsider, it may appear confusing as to why someone would stay in a relationship with a person who struggles with addiction. However, codependency is nuanced, and every couple needs to address their struggles with codependency and substance use disorders in their own way. Even though the addict has undoubtedly contributed his or her share of the trouble, in some way you also have a part to play in what is going on.

The evaluation consists of 11 yes or no questions that are intended to be used as an informational tool to assess the severity and probability of a substance use disorder. The test is free, confidential, and no personal information is needed to receive the result. If your loved one displays the symptoms of a substance use disorder, your relationship is  likely affected by their substance misuse in multiple ways, including emotionally, physically, and financially. You may even find yourself interacting with them in a manner that is called codependency.

tips for coping with a loved one’s substance use disorder.

I called him and his mum and eventually got a message saying he was sorry he’d hit the pipe and he had run away too ashamed to see me. He’d changed the locks there was a card with ‘Happy Birthday I’m Sorry’. I was devestated I begged him to tell me where he was I went to the crack den I finally found him unable to walk in a shop doorway crying saying he wanted to die.

  • It, most times, becomes controlling and brings an unnecessary overprotective attitude which could make the other person uncomfortable.
  • Shielding yourself from enabling behaviors is crucial in maintaining your own well-being while navigating the complexities of loving an addict.
  • But try and love one, and then see if you can look me square in the eyes and tell me that you didn’t get addicted to trying to fix them.

Alicia Ventura is an addiction researcher and director of special projects and research for Boston Medical Center’s Grayken Center for Addiction Training and Technical Assistance. He was asking us to wire him money and a very close friend in recovery said that leaving our son in Florida at Christmas, just leaving him, no food, he said, “I’m hungry.” In addition to getting appropriate treatment, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ there are things that you can do that will make it easier to cope and aid in your recovery. If this happens, or if you have been drinking or using drugs, such as opioids—illicit or prescribed, other prescription medications, stimulants, cocaine, or meth—you should seek medical help immediately. Korean actor Lee Sun-kyun, from the movie “Parasite,” died by suicide in December of 2023.

Loving Someone with an Addiction: What You Can Do to Help

The only person you have any control over is yourself. You do not have control over anything the addicted person does. Many people choose not to believe this, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Once you can really grasp the reality of this concept and live by it, your life will become much easier. There are effective ways to deal with the addicted person in your life, just as there are ways that are not only ineffective but can also be dangerous.

However, it’s not easy to change an addict but you could try talking to them, leading them to ways of getting help or find a way they can get addiction treatment. There’s no high probability of changing them but you could try to put up with their behavior if you can, while still being involved with them. Recognizing the importance of professional help in addiction recovery is a crucial step in supporting your loved one.

Setting boundaries and practicing tough love can help you from enabling your loved one’s behaviors while allowing you to care for yourself. No, at least not in a healthy way while the addiction is active. An active drug addict might believe they love someone, and at times, they might behave lovingly. But it’s a broken relationship if active addiction is a part of it. Sometimes, no matter what you do to support your partner, their substance use has progressed to the point where they are unable to make rational decisions to cease their substance use.

If being in a relationship with an addict brings you sadness, anxiety, and a sense of being trapped, it’s crucial to think of your own emotional well-being and get out. No one deserves to endure abuse, whether it’s emotional or physical. Addiction can sometimes fuel hurtful behavior, leading to a toxic and potentially dangerous environment. – Recovery is tough without a solid support system. If an addict is serious about recovery, they’ll surround themselves with positive influences and get support from close peers, sponsors, or mentors who understand their struggles. Define what behaviors are acceptable and what you will not tolerate.

An intervention is a structured encounter that addresses an addicted person’s issue. You and their loved ones, alongside an addiction specialist, will confront your addicted partner. Enabling your partner can worsen their addiction and your relationship. Set boundaries and keep them accountable whenever they abuse substances.

  • It’s always good to recognize the problems and face them.
  • So if we inappropriately assume that addiction is a choice and represents a moral failing, then it’s natural that stigma gets extended to the family who also must be morally corrupt or dysfunctional in some way.
  • Because as you’ve said, this is changing in addiction treatment as well, in some cases, but not all.
  • When a person is lost to addiction, they may still be very much physically present in your life, but the person you knew before the addiction began seems lost to you forever.
  • It’s natural for most people to put other people’s needs before theirs especially when it comes to relationships.
  • Detachment is the process of emotionally and often physically distancing yourself from a loved one.

The problem with loving an addict is that sometimes the things that will help them are the things that would seem hurtful, cold and cruel if they were done in response to non-addicts. Often, the best ways to respond to an addict have the breathtaking capacity to drown those who love them with guilt, grief, self-doubt and of course, resistance. Over the past few years, Wendy—who stepped down from her show in 2022—has battled public personal and health issues, including substance abuse, lymphedema and Graves’ disease. Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides video and telephone psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching to individuals in over 40 countries worldwide. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

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